As festive lights twinkle, decorations adorn the shopping malls and the holiday buzz fills the air, it is easy to assume that everyone shares the same joy and excitement as you. Sadly – this is not so. Let’s address the reindeer in the room – not all of us look forward to this time of year.
For some, the festive season is not a celebration but a hurdle – a seemingly insurmountable one. We prepare, train our minds and brace ourselves, determined to make it through. I promise, we do! Yet, as we approach the season something – often small and seemingly insignificant – can trip us up. It might be a fleeting memory, a song played on the radio, a social expectation or the weight of an invisible burden.
For those who thrive in the magic of this season, it is important to understand that not everyone’s journey looks the same. It doesn’t matter why we struggle during this time. What matters is that we do. What also matters is that we are already doing our best to navigate it.
Want to help? Here’s how you can truly support those of us who find this season difficult.
Empathy Over Pity
We don’t need your pity. We need your understanding. Pity can feel condescending and isolating. True empathy means you will walk beside us without judgment, showing us that our feelings are valid and that we are not alone in our struggles.
Quiet Support
Be there for us without forcing holiday cheer. Sometimes, the greatest act of kindness is simply being present. Doing that offers a quiet sense of stability. Doing that also reminds us that we are supported no matter how we are feeling.
No Lectures
Refrain from telling us to “get over it” or prescribing what you think will make us feel better. Those comments, although well-meaning, add to our stress and are generally not helpful at all. A listening ear and genuine care, even if you don’t understand where we are or our pain, can make all the difference.
Let’s make this season not just about joy but about kindness, consideration, patience and compassion for all. Because while the holidays mean celebration for you, for some of us just getting through is its own kind of triumph.
Be mindful. Be kind. Be there.
This is so well written and on pont. Thank you for this- an important reminder.
Ja. A tricky subject. I can only (again) speak from my own experience. I spent many years thinking that we were all the same. My core values and expectations were “universal”. Turns out – I was wrong. Again. The World has changed. I didn’t get the memo :-).
My first “alone ” Christmas was in 2013. I apparently had clinical depression, lost my kids (the worst), my wife (ja well), my house (second to kids), all my cash and my car (stil miss her :-)) and developed a bit of a drinking problem :-). My solid friends didn’t know – It’s not something you put on FB. Those invoved didn’t give a FF. How hard can it be? And later it turned out that my solid friends were not as solid as I thought :-). Fortunately my history had prepared me for such a train smash BUT likely contributed to it happening in the first place. Read that again.
Anyway my point is that we apply our own measure to how others should behave and turns out – it’s bullshit. They don’t, won’t can’t. It takes balls to get yourself through it alone (not sure how it applies to girls but you know what I mean :-)). Even with soid friends (I have 3) it’s F hard but do-able.