Many people are resistant to having these types of conversations as they are often seen as a conflict. This is because we let our emotions get the better of us. Having a difficult conversion can be scary for some, and for others it raises anxiety to such a level that it is just easier to remain silent. Sometimes the level of angry we feel is so debilitating that we just walk away. We need to learn to identify and regulate our emotions to enable us to have these difficult conversations.
Walking away from a difficult conversation is counterproductive, and this is whether it is in our workplace or among family and friends. And we are actually not being true to ourselves or to others.
Having a difficult conversation requires kindness. Kindness to yourself and kindness to the person you intend having that conversation with. Irrespective of the content of the conversation you should approach it knowing that the other person is, indeed, a person. And that person, like you, has feelings. The thought of the impending conversation could be invoking the same level of concern for that person.
I have read the books and done the courses that instruct you not to use the word “you”, to use passive words, to try not to appear aggressive and to reflect the issue back to myself. Seriously?! How many of us are able to do this when we are already battling to keep our emotions in check. I often find it easiest to jot down a few points about what I want to say. This makes it easier not to forget the most important things I need to convey in that difficult conversation. And it also allows me to keep on track and not wonder off somewhere following an avenue I would rather not.
Having a difficult conversation is all about being authentic, standing your ground and acknowledging that you and that other person are just people. Each of you has battles you are fighting. Be kind, but have that difficult conversation and get it out of the way!